


Making Circles

by LondonGypsy



Category: Kane (Band)
Genre: Arguing, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Confessions, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Songfic, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 04:13:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4005493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LondonGypsy/pseuds/LondonGypsy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things haven't been the same since Steve had left for London a year ago.<br/>Just a few gigs - and getting away from Christian to sort out his hidden feelings for the man.<br/>They haven't talked or seen each other since then.<br/>But things are about to change when Christian is sent to Jared's place... where Steve is babysitting.<br/>Can the boys figure it out or will their stubbornness prevent them from seeing what's right in front of them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Making Circles

**Author's Note:**

> Transferring some old fics from my LJ to here.  
> This is from Nov '11.  
> A huge thank you for beta'ing to my darlin [SuperWhoLockGypsy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperWhoLockGypsy/pseuds/SuperWhoLockGypsy) and [MutedByFear](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mutedbyfear/pseuds/mutedbyfear) for the inspiration for this!  
> All remaining mistakes are mine.

 

 

 

She curls around herself and snuggles deeper into the cushions. The low, gravelly voice lulls her in, and even though she tries desperately to keep her eyes open, she loses the fight. With a soft sigh she relaxes and sinks even deeper into the soft leather of the couch. The song follows her into her dream, weaving words and tunes through it, and a gentle smile linger over her lips. Her last conscious thought is that this is the best thing ever, before sleep eventually takes over.

Steve eyes her peaceful face as he plays the last chord. Carefully he sets the guitar down and tucks the blankets around her before he gets up.

She sniffles quietly as he strokes a strand of hair out of her face, and wanders into the kitchen. He's been sitting on the couch for too long and needs to stretch his legs.

He glances at the clock and sighs; 8pm, which means he'll be stuck here for another 4 hours. He yawns and pours himself some coffee before he walks to the doors leading to the deck. He pushes them open and steps outside into the warm LA night.

The sun is setting and the sky glows in shades of pink, yellow and red. It’s a beautiful view and Steve sits on the edge of the deck, naked feet dangling in the air. The ocean shimmers blue and golden in the twilight, rolling softly against the almost empty beach. He can hear the constant hum of the cars on the highway, but it’s just another sound Steve loves about this city.

He takes a sip of his coffee and feels his nerves calming down.

He's been tense for a couple of days now and he couldn’t get rid of it. But singing for the beautiful lady sleeping on the couch now had helped.

He sighs again and feels his back protesting as he shifts to find a more comfortable position. He sets down his mug, leans over and grabs a cushion from one of the chairs. He lays back and pushes it under his head.

He groans as his back and shoulders relax, and it feels as if a huge weight just fell off of him, washed away by the soft breeze coming from the ocean, carrying the smell of summer and sea.

He watches the sky, clouds lazily sailing over it, white and fluffy. The sun sinks deeper and the colors above his head intensify before they slowly fade and turn into a darker blue. A bitter smile wavers over Steve's lips; it reminds him of _his_ eyes, azure and intense, sparkling with a fire he couldn’t handle, obviously.

He shoos the memories away; he can't have that, not today. It was a wonderful day and he wants to keep it that way.

A low noise from inside has him sit up hastily, but from what he can see the bundle on the couch is still there. He eyes it a little closer but there's no movement, so he lays back again, staring into the endless width above him.

He gets lost in his thoughts and his eyes slide close; the sounds surrounding him so familiar and well-known.

*

He jerks out of a slight slumber, for a second not knowing where he is before he realizes. He sits back up, wondering how it became so dark so fast. 

He scrambles to his feet, shivering in the damp air that usually comes with nightfall. He grabs his mug and walks back inside. He switches on a small light in the living room, checks on sleeping Beauty on the couch and stops in the kitchen to refill his mug.

Sipping on it, he strolls through the house, closing the windows that are still open and as he comes back into the main living room, two huge hazel eyes are watching him with curiosity.

“Hey,” Steve croons, sitting next to her on the couch, “why are you awake?”

She tilts her head, watching him wordlessly before she pushes the blankets away. She crawls over and cuddles against his side.

“What are you humming all the time, Uncle Stevie?”

He frowns at her and her tiny hands come up to smooth away the wrinkles on his forehead.

“Uhmm...”

He's speechless; he didn’t realize that he was humming at all but then again, his head is always filled with music.

He must have looked confused because she giggles and crawls onto his lap. She wiggles a bit before she's comfy and he pulls her closer until her head lays on his chest. Her wild mop of hair tickles against his chin and he inhales her clean smell deeply.

“Humming,” she reminds him impatiently, poking her little fingers into his side.

“You're a little monster, you know that?” he teases, trying to distract her but he knows already that that’s a lost task.

She chuckles and keeps poking him.

“Uh huh, Daddy says that all the time.”

Steve rolls his eyes and pulls her a bit closer.

“Well, your Daddy isn’t exactly an angel himself,” he mumbles in her auburn curls.

“Funny, he says the same about you and Uncle...” she stops and covers her mouth with her hands. She twists her head and looks up, her huge eyes are almost golden in the dim light, filling with tears. 

Steve flinches at the pain he sees in her face and pulls her into a tight hug.

“It's okay, baby, shhh....” he murmurs as he hears the silent sobs escaping her mouth.

She mumbles something he doesn't quite catch but he keeps holding her, cradling her until she calms down.

“Better, darlin'?” he asks as the sobs finally fade and he feels her nod against his chest.

“Hmmm,” she mewls and rubs her fists over her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, “Daddy told me not to say.... not to...”

“Honey, it’s okay,” Steve assures her, ignoring the sting in his stomach.

She bites her lip, squirming on his legs and Steve feels she wants to say something.

“What is it, honey?”

She looks up to him, twisting a curl of her hair around her finger. Steve watches her, almost knowing what this is about.

“I... why are you and Uncle Chris not talking anymore?” she blurts out, curiosity clearly written over her little face.

Steve smiles sadly. Of course she wants to know, she's smarter than they all thought. And with her 4 years she's no baby anymore and hears and sees more than is good for her.

“I miss him,” she murmurs, chewing on her lip, “he's cool.”

Steve huffs a little laugh.

“Yeah, he is,” he says softly, pressing a kiss into her hair.

“Sometimes adults make mistakes, you know,” he tries to explain, “and your Uncle Chris...” Steve swallows around the lump in his throat, “well, we both have said and done things that are hard to forgive.”

He falls silent; how can you explain the shit that went down with your best friend when you don’t understand it yourself.

Steve hears Christian's angry voice in his ears again like it was yesterday and not a year ago.

“ _Go. But don’t you think you can come back. We're done.”_

Steve shivers at the memory of the harsh words and the icy tone.

She feels it and tugs on the blanket to pull it over him. He smiles and tucks the blanket around them, cuddling her a little more.

“Mommy says if you made a mistake you have to apologize,” she chirps and Steve has to bite his tongue.

“Sometimes it’s not that easy, baby,” he says instead, remembering the thousand times he tried to call and text. He gave up as he found the restraining order in his mail. Stubborn son of a bitch.

“You're doing it again,” comes in a small, sleepy voice.

“Huh?”

“The humming.”

“Ohh.”

Steve notices now that he's humming an old _Kane_ song and that’s something that hurts more than anything else.

“What is it? I like it. Can you sing it for me?”

She sounds pretty tired but her tone is still demanding, and Steve has never been able to deny her anything.

Steve sighs mutely and leans back, pulling her with him. She settles against his chest, a warm sweet weight.

“Sing for me,” she mumbles and Steve's last boundary falls.

“[O _ur love story reads like a book of lies – good intentions, better alibis, no happy endings, no straight lines, no movin' on, but no goodbyes, this bittersweet revelry will be the death of me, we go round and round, tryin' to work it out and all I get is bent and bound..._](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7-nWGSAsAM)”

He sings quietly, the words pouring out like water even though he didn't sing that song in years. And he can't deny the thought that that’s exactly how he always felt when he was with Christian.

He keeps singing and as he ends he looks down to find her sleeping, the mouth slightly open, one hand curled tightly into his shirt. He strokes the hair out of her face and just watches her a while.

She has Jared's nose and his dimples, and Genevieve's hair, but nobody knows where she got the stubbornness from. Jensen used to joke that it was from Christian and him being around the first 3 years of her life.

Steve sighs and pulls the blanket closer around them. He doesn’t want to get up and put her in her bed, he just wants to sit here, listen to her deep breaths and not think about Christian or the band – or the lack of it, actually.

*

A muffled bang starts him and he shoots up, arms automatically closing around the little girl on his chest. He curses under his breath and looks over to where the noise came from – and freezes.

“You?”

His voice breaks and he feels his hands going numb.

“Fuck, what are you doing here?”

Steve suppresses a groan; it’s been a while since he had heard that dark drawl.

He swallows hard and nods weakly towards the auburn head, peeking out from under the blankets.

“Babysitting,” he croaks, not able to look anywhere else other than in Christian's steel blue eyes.

“Fuck, I knew it. I'll kill him... doesn't matter. I'm leaving.”

He turns on his heels, and suddenly Steve knows this is his last chance. Hastily he lays her on the couch and is on his feet in a heartbeat.

“Chris...wait...”

“Don’t. Call. Me. That, “ Christian hisses and stops on his way to the door so abruptly that Steve runs into his back. He's flails to keep his balance and naturally he reaches out for Christian’s arms.

“Get the fuck off me, Carlson,” he growls and whirls around, pushing him away hard.

Steve stumbles back and against the hallway wall. Christian's eyes are only sparkling slits as he shoots him a spiteful look. Steve is shocked at the deep hatred in it. He slumps against the wall, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Why, Christian? Why do you hate me so much? We used to be best friends and now...” he can't even finish the sentence.

Christian growls again, low and dangerous; he sounds like a wild animal.

“You are really asking me that? Fucker, you should know that best,” he hisses through gritted teeth, fury tensing his body. “You left, remember?? You had to go to London even though I asked...fuck I begged you, not to go. I gave you a simple choice, Carlson, either me & _Kane_ or your solo career. You were the one who made the choice, for _your_ fucking fans, for _your_  own fucking success. You couldn’t deal with sharing the spotlight with me, could ya? Well, now you have it all for yourself, asshole. Just leave me the fuck alone, I don’t wanna have anything to do with you anymore...”

Steve gasps and his knees give in. He slides down the wall until he sits on the floor, his hands are trembling and he can't breathe properly.

“Is that what you think?” he whispers, his voice hushed and broken.

Christian glares over his shoulder, lips pressed into a thin line.

“Whatever. It's not that I care about you anymore, you ruined my life.”

Steve can only stare.

“What???”

Christian clenches his fist and takes a few deep breaths before he turns and the full force of a heavily pissed Christian Kane knocks Steve's breath out of his lungs.

“Listen closely, I'm going to say it once and then I'm outta here. I don’t wanna see you again, hear from you again, or you get more than a restraining order.”

Steve doesn’t dare move, he just waits, breathing heavily through his nose.

“You left although I've asked you not to. You left for a gig you easily could have postponed. You left because you couldn’t stand not being the main man. You left the band, you left me and now we don’t want you back. Get it, Carlson? It’s all your own fucking fault, now live with it.”

He takes a deep breath and turns to the door again.

“Chris...please...”

“Fuck off.”

“Uncle Chris???”

Steve curses wildly as he hears her sleepy voice, and the sound of her feet padding on the wooden floor is loud in the sudden silence.

“Darlin'” Christian coos and crouches down, and Steve has to admire his sudden mood swing. But he still is an actor after all.

“Uncle Chris!” she squeaks, instantly wide awake and she throws herself into Christian's open arms. Her small arms wrap around his neck and she giggles happily as Christian picks her up and swirls her around.

“I missed you,” she cheers and Steve can't hold back the smile as he sees her shining eyes.

“I missed you too, Honeybee,” Christian grumbles, nuzzling her hair before he sits her on his hip like he had always done when she was smaller.

“You got huge, darlin'. What do your parents feed you, hmmm?”

She giggles again.

“Dunno, Daddy says I've got his genes.”

Christian chuckles and the sound is something that pierces through Steve's heart like a dagger.

“Well, he got that right, sweetie. Hey, why are you still up? Shouldn’t you be in your bed?”

He scowls down at her but she only laughs at him.

“I _was_ sleeping. Uncle Steve sang for me.”

She grins at Steve and his heart widens with love for the little girl.

“Did he?” Christian asks, his voice barely under control; Steve can hear the cold in it.

When it comes to Jared's daughter he's all soft and gentle but apparently it doesn't transfer to him.

“Yes,” she chirps, “he was humming all day and I made him sing one of your old songs.”

Steve frowns; how'd she know that it was a Kane song he was singing to her?

“Did he?”

Christian's tone tells that he can hardly believe it but he would never say that out loud, not in front of the kid.

She nods wildly and her hair flies around her head.

“Uh huh.”

She glances at Steve and then pulls at Christian's hair, making him move closer to her so she can whisper in his ear.

“He misses you, you know?”

Steve can hear her loudly hushed words clearly and feels a blush creeping over his face.

Christian looks over her head, his eyes soften a little as he finds Steve's.

“Does he?”

She nods earnest.

“Yes. A lot.”

Steve blushes even more and finally finds the strength to get back to his feet. He clears his throat.

“Okay, Miss Padalecki, bed time.”

She protests, of course, but Steve pulls off his “no-discussion” face that he perfected over the years and she gives in.

She kisses Christian's cheek and reaches out for Steve. He takes her and his fingertips brush over Christian's hand, just a second but Christian's eyes find his and Steve is not sure how to read his expression.

“Good night, darlin'. Sleep tight," Christian says as he leans over and kisses the top of her head.

She tangles one hand in his hair.

“Are you coming back again?” she asks, begging tone in her small voice.

“Uhmm... I don’t know yet, baby,” he says, avoiding looking up, “I'll try, okay?”

Apparently that’s enough for her because she lets go of his hair and snuggles into Steve's arms.

“Bye, Uncle Chris,” she mumbles, eyes sliding close.

Steve casts a quick look at Christian but his entire focus is on the little girl in his arms.

“Chris...” he says quietly.

“You better put her to bed or she's gonna be cranky tomorrow,” Christian says, and Steve knows he's right.

Without a word he turns and walks towards her room. Carefully he tucks her in her bed, pulling the covers over her. She's already sound asleep, snoring softly and Steve smiles down at her; being able to fall asleep from one second to the other - she's got that from her dad.

“Good night, honey,” he murmurs and switches off the bedside lamp. He remains by her bedside, just for a while, calming his beating heart.

Christian showing up here, accusing him of things that just aren’t true hurts him more than he'd ever admit.  
And then again, it's good to see him, he never realized how much he missed him.

But he also made very clear that he doesn’t want to see him again.

“Suck it up Carlson, you totally screwed it up,” he mumbles into the darkness of the room and stands up. With one last look at the sleeping child he leaves the room, closing the door carefully behind him.

He stands in the hallway for a moment before he hesitantly wanders back into the living room, not sure what to expect. He doesn’t know whether Christian is gone or not, and which he would like better.

“So...”

He almost jumps out of his skin at the low growl coming from the couch. He glares into the shadows.

“You missed me, huh?”

The tone is still boiling with anger but suddenly Steve is fed up and doesn’t want to defend himself again.

“Yes, Christian, I miss you. Every fucking day. Can you just leave? I'm sick and tired of arguing. You made your point pretty clear. You don’t want or need me anymore. I've ruined your life, I get it.”

He falls on a chair at the dining table, closing his eyes, just wanting the day to be over.

He hears Christian shuffling around and waits for the inevitable sound of the front door closing.

But instead of that he hears a chair scraping over the floor and Christian's voice is closer as he speaks.

“Why did you go anyway? You never gave me an answer to that. Just that you set up the gig months ago and that you couldn’t call it off. Which sounds like the lamest excuse ever...”

Steve sighs deeply.

“Let it be, Christian. It's over and done with and I don’t wanna talk about it anymore.”

“Nah, c'mon, you always wanted to tell me and now you have the chance to do so, so shoot.”

Steve looks up at Christian who leans back, arms crossed, waiting.

“Would it change anything?” Steve asks, feeling very old right now.

“Depends.”

“On what, Christian? On what? Give me one fucking reason to go through that again. You didn’t listen back then, why now?”

Christian shrugs.

“Dunno. Miss Bella there makes me soft, I guess.”

Steve snorts a bitter laugh.

“You're such an ass, Kane.”

“Bite me.”

Steve almost hears a smile even though he can't see him; the room is dark, only the moon shines through the big window panes, surrounding the other man with a pale white shimmer.

“C'mon, try me. I'm here and I'm in the mood to listen.”

Steve shakes his head and runs his hands through his hair. Here goes nothing he thinks as he whispers:

“I fell in love.”

Silence.

Then:

“And? Is she a Brit? Was that the reason you had to fly over there? Did you wanna...?”

“With you, you idiot.”

Deafening silence. Steve bites his lip, mentally steeling himself for what’s to come. He clears his throat before he continues, words tumbling out of his mouths now, hurrying to be spoken now that his secret is out.

“I fell in love with you months before I had to leave. A little bit more every fucking day. I thought I could cope with it but then our schedule got tighter and tighter, we spent more and more time together. And having you around me 24/7 for 2 months? Was fucking _killing_ me. I know you aren’t into guys so I tried to suppress everything, avoided getting close to you. But it got harder and harder every fucking day. I couldn’t stand it anymore and I was actually looking forward to the London gigs so I didn’t have to see you for a couple of days. I had to go to clear my head, be away from what I was dreaming about every fucking night. But it didn’t help, I missed you every second I was there. But I couldn’t do anything about it, couldn’t tell you. Hell, I know that you are as straight as they come. Coming back was hard but what was I supposed to do? Actually...finding you pissed and angry at me helped a bit. But I'd never wanted to leave the band, never thought about that once. I.. dunno... just thought I could find a way to cope with it. Find a way... But it wasn’t necessary anymore, was it?!”

He falls silence, waiting for Christian to explode. He knows -knew- him well enough and he's prepared for anything.

“Are you fucking kidding me???”

It’s only hushed and Steve ducks his head; he knows that tone just too well. He hears the heavy breaths and without actually seeing it he knows that Christian's nostrils are flaring and his teeth gritted.

Steve sighs, dropping his head in his hands.

“I wished, Christian, I wished. Would make the entire shit a whole lot easier. I can't change it, I'm sorry. Now you know. Can you just go now? I’m tired and I can't deal with you right now.”

Steve has never felt so beat in his entire life, he just wants to curl around himself and sleep for a week.

“Jared knows?!”

It’s not really a question despite the unbelieving undertone.

Steve nods wearily; he had told Jared shortly after Christian told him that he didn’t want to see him ever again. Jared came by his house that he hadn’t left for a week. He had found him drunk and dizzy on the couch. Steve shivers at the memory of how broke he was back then. Jared had shoved him in the shower, fully clothed to sober him up. After that he had made him the strongest coffee Steve has ever drank and had made him spill every fucking detail. Steve had made him swear to not tell anybody, not even Jensen or Genevieve. Jared had just nodded and had taken care of Steve for the next few weeks until he was back on track.

“Yes, he knows,” Steve says weakly, rubbing a hand over his burning eyes.

“Who else?” Quiet and calm.

Steve shakes his head.

“Nobody.”

Christian grunts but that’s it, and the unusual silence gets on Steve's nerves; at least he knows how to deal with his tantrums; this is not the Kane he knows.

He opens his mouth to say something but then Christian pushes the chair back and stands, slowly, every movement is controlled.

Steve is still waiting for the ultimate bang but Christian walks to the deck doors and pulls them open. He steps outside, closing the door quietly behind him and Steve exhales loudly.

He stays put, watching Christian pacing the full length of the deck, the moonlight bright and white on his dark hair.

Minutes pass like this. Steve's sitting there, watching Christian wandering around, and the ticking of a clock lulls him in. He lays his head on his crossed arms on the table, still one eye on the other man outside but then his lids are too heavy to be kept open and he gives in.

*

He wakes up to a soft touch on his cheek and he smiles.

“Shouldn’t you be in bed, young Miss,” he murmurs hazily.

“You're mumbling in your sleep, Carlson,” comes the hoarse reply and Steve shoots up, groaning at the sting in his back.

“What...?”

He glances at Christian, sitting on the other chair, watching him closely, head tilted and a tiny smile on his lips.

“You babble when you sleep,” he repeats, raising an eyebrow at him.

He is apparently still sleeping, because otherwise there isn’t any reason for Christian's fingertips to be resting on his wrist. Or why he still keeps them there, warm and firm on Steve's skin.

He's confused and still half asleep but as he moves, Christian's fingers close around his arm, pressing tighter.

Steve frowns.

“Chris...what the...?”

“I’m sorry.”

Steve stares.

“Huh?”

Christian rolls his eyes.

“You heard me.”

Steve shakes his head, staring. 

“Well, yeah, but I'm not sure...”

“I am sorry, dude, okay? I didn’t know... I thought...ahh, shit. Can we just forget about it?”

Steve's head is swimming.

“Chris, what the fuck? You haven’t talked to me in over a year, you've accused me of shit I've never done, you called me selfish and egoistic, and now you think it’s done with one little apology?!”

He gets angry and pulls his arm away from Christian's touch, ignoring the sting in his heart, and he stands up.

“No, Christian, that’s not how it works. You left me with self-doubt and you almost broke me, I'm not sure I can forgive that. It took me 6 months to get my shit back together. You can't just come along and think it’s all over only because you think you have to pity me...”

Steve’s voice getting louder and he has to take a deep breath to calm himself down.

“I tried to talk to you for so long and now you just come here, insult me, then apologize? Seriously, Kane?? Fuck, you're such an ass sometimes.”

Christian jumps to his feet, anger seeping from every move he makes.

“I didn’t know, okay?” he snarls, fists clenching hard, “I had no idea that....”

“I don’t care,” Steve shoots back, trying to keep his voice down to not wake Bella, “you should've listened to me. I wanted to talk to you so many times but your stubborn ass didn’t want to listen...”

Christian takes a step closer, running his hand furiously through his hair.

“Just because I thought...”

Steve snorts disgusted.

“Yeah, you _thought_... wouldn’t it have been so much better if you'd just _listened_ , Kane? Just once in your fucking life. I've been with you for 13 fucking years, don’t you think I would've left much earlier if I had wanted my own spotlight? Fuck you, I loved what we did. I still do, but apparently you don’t need me anymore...”

Christian literally growls at him, hissing a curse, and Steve huffs a sarcastic laugh.

“Oh please... Stop trying, Kane, you can't intimidate me, I know you, remember?”

“You have no idea,” Christian grumbles and takes another step closer but Steve doesn’t back away.

“You know nothing about me,” Christian spits and Steve sees the fury in his eyes.

“Fuck off, Kane, just get the fuck outta here before I kick your ass out myself.”

Christian laughs, unamused, and before Steve can react he's right in front of him and twists one hand in the fabric of his shirt.

“You?  _You_ wanna kick _me_ out? I'd like to see that,” he says through gritted teeth, grabbing the shirt harder.

Steve feels rage coursing through his veins, sharp and burning. Who does Christian think he is? Steve had witnessed too many times when Christian got pissed but he also knows exactly how to handle him when he's all furious.

He pushes against Christian's chest, making him stumble back but Christian doesn’t let go of Steve's shirt.

“Leave. Me. Alone.”

Steve grabs Christian's wrist and pulls to remove his hand but Christian only tightens his grip and Steve loses it.

“Let go, Kane or...”

Christian pushes back and suddenly Steve's against the wall, Christian's hand on his wrists, pressing them hard against the hard surface in his back.

“Or what???” he huffs harshly, eyes burning wildly into Steve's.

Steve opens his mouth to shoot back, but then Christian's lips are on his, kissing him hard. He forces his tongue past Steve's lips, growling loudly.

Steve can't move; he's frozen in place. Christian's tongue finds his, curling roughly around it, daring Steve to react. Christian's fingers dig deep into Steve's wrists, pain shooting through his arms.

Christian presses against him, trapping him between the wall and his heated body. Fury is his motivation, Steve feels that but he kisses like he's starving and Steve can’t help but respond. He pushes his tongue against Christian's, pressing against it, licking, tasting, and it is glorious.

Christian deepens the kiss, inches closer, making Steve feel his burning skin. Their tongues fight, their bodies press against one another; Steve can feel Christian's pounding heart against his chest. 

Steve moans helplessly into Christian's mouth, feeling his dick harden, and fuck, what are they doing??

Steve breaks the kiss, panting, face flushed, and confused.

Christian protests softly and Steve opens his eyes, finding Christian's blue ones instantly.

“Chris...what...?” he croaks, lips tingling, desperately wanting Christian's mouth back on his. But the small voice in his head tells him that this isn’t right, they need to talk, need to sort their shit. And since when was Christian into guys?

“Stop thinking, Carlson,” Christian murmurs softly and then his lips are back, kissing him again, more gentle now, teasing, exploring his mouth with tender tongue and quiet moans.

Steve's resistance can only stand so much and he gives in, melting against Christian's chest. Faintly he realizes that Christian lets go of his wrists and his hands slide over his back, pulling him closer.

His scent and his taste make Steve dizzy and the sounds he makes are driving Steve mad with a burning desire. 

His lips are soft and as he nibbles tenderly on Steve's bottom lip, Steve can barely suppress a needy cry.

As Christian's pulls back this time Steve whines at the loss of his warmth. Christian's hands are in his hair, sliding through it and Steve is close to purring at the feeling.

“Fuck, Steve, I've missed you so much, you have no idea,” Christian whispers and his breath ghosts warm over Steve's burning lips; he can almost taste the words.

“I've missed you, too, idiot,” Steve replies but there's no more heat in his words and he feels Christian smile.

With a sigh Steve opens his eyes and leans back to look at Christian.

His pupils are blown and Steve sees himself in the darkened eyes. There's a pleading look, telling him everything he needs to know, wordlessly letting him know how much Christian fucked up this time.

He reaches out and lays his hand on Christian's cheek, his thumb caressing his warm skin.

He wants to say something but the words are stuck in his throat, so he keeps stroking Christian's face, drowning in those eyes he thought he would never see again. And now they are looking at him, soft and warm, begging for forgiveness and hopefully seeing the same in Steve's eyes. 

The sound of a car pulling into the driveway has them part, and Christian's eyes narrow.

Steve chuckles and pushes the hair out of his face.

“Jared',” he says, stroking over the wrinkles on Christian's forehead, thrilled that he’s able to do so.

Christian's squirms uncomfortably and Steve knows exactly what he thinks.

“Hey,” he takes Christian's face in both hands, “no need to panic, he doesn’t have to know... not now, that is... unless, you... this...”

Steve stammers a bit and wants to pull back; he doesn't even know what “ _this_ ” is. But Christian shakes his head and leans into Steve's touch.

“Nah, it’s okay... I... just gimme some time to get used to it... “

Steve nods, he knows what Christian means; hell, _he_ never thought this would happen. They both need time, time to sort through this and most important, time to talk.

“Hey,” Christian's says and brushes his lips over Steve's mouth, just a quick kiss but it releases a whole bunch of butterflies in his stomach.

“Stop worrying. I know, we have to talk and I probably will grovel for the rest of my life but I know what I want. It took me a while but I know the past year was hell without you and I don’t....”

Steve throws himself against Christian's chest again and claims his mouth in another hard kiss. They have to talk, yeah, but for now Steve's happy that he's here and the rest can be worked out.

The sound of soft voices talking make them break apart again. They are still standing in the middle of the living room when Jared enters the room, followed by his tiny wife.

“Hey guys. I see you didn’t kill each other,” he says, grinning widely and Genevieve chuckles softly.

Christian shoots him a murderous glare but his lips are twitching and Steve bites back a laugh.

“You know, I have every right to kill you, Padalecki,” Christian mutters, but Jared only snorts.

“Yeah, yeah. Hey, you're talking so I count that as a success. Coffee?”

He looks around, his gaze wandering between Christian and Steve back and forth and he whistles silently.

“Uhh, I guess we need something stronger than coffee,” he declares and winks at Steve. Christian scowls at him and Steve feels his cheeks heat up.

“Gen, babe, get the whiskey, I guess we have something to celebrate,” Jared says, barely holding back the giggles.

“Jay,” Steve sighs, casting a look at Christian, whose expression swings between the wish to strangle Jared and the need to laugh out loud.

Steve watches him fascinated, curious about which urge wins. Christian closes his eyes, taking a deep, calming breath and when he opens his eyes they find Steve's in a heartbeat. Steve gasps; it’s a little shocking to see the affection in that blue gaze.

“Nah, man, I've gotta get going,” Christian says, eyes locked with Steve's before he turns, leaving Steve shivering at the intensity in his gaze.

Jared raises an eyebrow at him but for once he doesn't comment on it.

“Bye, Jared. Gen,” Christian says without looking back and seconds later the front door closes with a silent click.

“Okay, that was weird,” Jared says, facing Steve with a raised eyebrow, ”but you’ll share a drink with me, Steve, huh? C'mon...”

Steve tears his eyes away from the doorframe and shakes his head.

“Nah, I guess I’m gonna head home. Bella is sleeping and I'd like to do the same. It was a long day...”

Jared looks at him with a curiously raised eyebrow but doesn't say anything, just nods.

“Well, thanks for keeping an eye on our little princess then. I hope she behaved?”

“Yeah, she did. She's an angel, nothing like her father,” he teases with a smile and ducks his head as Jared wants to slap him.

“Ohh, shoo, get outta here,” he grumbles but he smiles back.

Steve grabs his jacket, kisses Genevieve's cheek, and Jared walks him to the door.

“Thanks for babysitting tonight, man,” Jared says as he opens the door.

“Anytime Jay. See you soon.” Steve replies and slips into his jacket.

“Good night Steve,” Jared's tone is gentle now and Steve looks up to him but he only smiles, innocent and bright, and Steve shakes his head.

“Go get your boy,” Jared says softly and before Steve can say anything else, Jared is back in the house, closing the door.

Steve rolls his eyes but a smile lingers on his lips as he walks towards his car. The smile gets even wider as he sees Christian leaning against it, his face lightening up as he sees Steve.

“Hey,” he mumbles, pushing away from the car.

“Hey.”

“I guess we need to talk, huh?” Christian looks like a schoolboy, ready to be hit in the head and Steve bites his lips to not laugh out loud. Instead he pulls his car keys out and says:

“I guess.”

“Your place or mine?”

Steve eyes him carefully.

“You really wanna talk, right?

Christian shrugs, running his hands through his hair.

“I guess that’s inevitable,” he says quietly, glancing through his lashes up to Steve.

“Yeah, I guess... But maybe not today, what do you think? How about a beer?”

He opens the door and slips inside, taking a deep breath and waiting for Christian to follow. He exhales audibly as the passenger’s door closes.

“A beer sounds great,” Christian says and the smile on Steve's lips doesn't fade as he starts the engine.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> There's a sequel, just a little fluffy peace here:   
> [Missing You](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4005808)


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